Some of the things I've drawn, painted, or sculpted that I enjoy, including doodles on scrap paper, past assignments, etc.

Art is something that is quite near and dear to me. For the longest time, you could say it served as my sole purpose in life - my sole identity. Whether my art is good or "deserving" enough for it to be so, I don't know, but it was something I devoted my life to while growing up.

I've had many dreams: painter, illustrator, fiber artist, fashion designer, theater costume designer, cosplayer, etc. I feel happiest when I'm creating something, but I'm also a "practical" person - a "realist". And so, I dropped my art major in the second semester of my sophomore year to pursue computer science.

In a way, I essentially had to "give up" art for a more "realistic" career path. It may seem silly, but lately I've found myself going through something similar to a grieving process— grief over a dream or passion I once had that is now considered just a "hobby".

It upsets me to think of art as a hobby, and to have people think of my artistic endeavors as just a hobby (as people often do with things like arts and crafts), because it wasn't. It's not my cute little hobby, and most people have no idea what it cost me to walk away from that. It hurts to hear people talk about the thing I once deeply loved as if it's trivial. And, again, I don't really care whether people enjoy my art or think I'm talented enough to pursue it - my emotions are real and valid regardless.

Anyway, those are just some of the emotions I'm going through right now, and I wanted to vent about them somewhere safe. I hope you enjoy what you see here!